Highly Over-Rated

Happiness

2010-01-07T17:01:00.000-08:00

As I was washing up from dinner, I realized how happy I was. Several choices have contributed to this. I recently quit my life-draining part time job. We made a conscious effort to say no to extra things over Christmas. We've cut way down on out of house days and nights. I've put a lot more care and thought into the house, meals, and loving my family with actions, not just words. Dinner tonight was superb (I'm not bragging, just stating a fact). : ) The kitchen was clean except the antique platter that was my grandmother's I was hand washing. So I started thinking about how happy I was, and I wondered if my mom has ever been happy in this way.

She has had a hard marriage road. My memories of childhood are mainly of her providing everything I wanted or needed. I don't remember her ever yelling at me or even raising her voice. She got up after oral surgery to fix our dinner.

But was she truly happy? I don't know, I hope so. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized my happiness( or should I say joy) should not be based on external circumstances. Yes things are good right now. But even when things are not this peaceful I can have joy. Because my joy is founded in Christ and what he has done for me. And my mom has this joy also. So, tonight is good, joyful, happy. And I pray my mom, who is in a difficult situation right now can remember where her joy lies.

Christmas memories

2009-12-20T05:47:00.000-08:00

Making syrup with Sister on a COLD Sunday morning using her recipe from co-op cooking class.

Unbelievably sweet memory.

Today's agenda

2009-12-18T04:30:00.000-08:00

This morning the whole family will head into Houston together. We'll drop Jim off at work and then go across the street to the Sister's Dr.'s appointment. It's her routine 3 month appointment. I have several questions this time:about the nighttime bed wetting, about the way she is looking like a young woman, not a nine year old, about her height or lack of. She will also need blood drawn and that will be a nightmare. It usually takes two additional people and lots of screaming.

The Best Intentions

2009-12-15T11:57:00.001-08:00

So I have cabin fever I guess. Which does not bode well for my new focus of staying at home more to a) reconnect with my kids b) clean my house. I tried to trick myself into cleaning for 2 hours then a quick trip somewhere. That's hard to do when you have no money too.

First focused two hours I had my Bible time, talked with the kids, fixed a big breakfast. Then I ran to Kroger for 3 needed items.

Second focused time I straightened the garage, talked on the phone, played with facebook, cooked lunch, started laundry. Then I ran to the fire station to get my city email straightened out.

Now it's time for my next focus. I guess. JJ has a group learning thing at 3:30. I'm supposed to stay and chat with the other moms. Then I'll have to pick up Hubby at Park and Ride. We have lots of choices for evening parties, but I think we'll end up staying home.

I did have a scathingly brilliant idea about Quiet Time notebooks for the kids as part of their Christmas presents. I'll share more on that tomorrow.

Ok, procrastination time is over. Back to work.

further up and further in

2009-12-14T05:34:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting in my grandmother's squatty chair that is covered with a quilt made by my mother in law in front of my oven smelling biscuits warmed by a space heater getting ready to have my quiet time. This is the perfect setting for me to lay my heart and my day before the ever living God.

Today will have many opportunities for humbling myself before God and walking with Him and getting to know Him. Last week several of my Bible reading passages told me to 'get to know God'. So that's what I'm focusing on.

Opportunities I already know about

we will find out how much it will cost to get our main vehicle fixed
Hubby's shoulder is causing him a lot of pain still and that makes him not the most pleasant person to be around
the kids are in holiday mode and it's a battle to get them started on the one subject they have to do this week - math
they both need haircuts and they both HATE haircuts
I ran 20 miles Saturday, 4 miles on Sunday plus fire department workout, then ran 4 miles today (and got up each day at 4:45 to do it) so I am pretty tired

I'm jokingly calling the opportunities. In fact they are very real temptations for me to sin. To respond in anger, to be selfish, to be arrogant, to worry, to fret, to put myself before others. But by calling them opportunities, I'm trying to remind myself that I have the chance for victory in these situations. Not just survival, but victory. By clinging to God, seeking His strength my choices today can bring me closer to HIm, to knowing Hm, to pleasing Him, to abiding in Him.

So as I sit at Jesus feet and lay these opportunities before Him and well as the ones I don't know about yet, I am filled with Hope, Peace, and Joy.

Today is going to be a great day, because this day is the Lord's and all it contains.

******Update**********

After writing this and having my quiet time I promptly fell asleep in the chair. Hopefully that was a head start on the tire part.

********Second update******

Maybe not, since I mean TIRED part.

A Christmas Story

2009-12-12T08:38:00.000-08:00

I went on a fire call from about 1:30 am to 2:20 am this morning. Once home, I had a hard time falling asleep because I kept thinking about the movie Carriers I watched before bed. That's another post, but let's say I liked the movie, being a fan of the genre.

Anyway, I got up at 5 am to run 20 miles. I'm an idiot I know. Anyway, I did it. I did not enjoy the last 4 miles, but shuffled through.

Anyway anyway, a had seen a sign in our neighborhood - Santa in the Park, Parade 10am Saturday. Sister has been wanting to see Santa and this seemed like an easy, cheap way to do that. So the whole fam, T-bone included, headed to the park a little before 10.

One lone guy was there. He assured us Santa was coming, but no parade since the whole parade was the kids who wanted to walk in it. Hmm. About 5 or 6 kids gathered round waiting for Santa. T-Bone growled and almost bit one little kid. He's acting like such a pill. When Santa did arrive he went straight to Tbone. Hubby and I were praying "Please don't bite Santa, please don't bite Santa." He didn't, whew.

As Santa pulled out a plastic green lawn chair, sat in the middle of the pavilion and kids went and sat in his lap I realized this was a really strange tradition. But still I let my daughter do it. And it was easy and cheap. Although I did feel a little easy and cheap afterwards.

2009-12-10T12:25:00.000-08:00

So I 'bonked'. Didn't listen to my body. Thought I was superwoman, I guess. I don't know. Why couldn't I do it? It was on the training plan so obviously someone thinks it's reasonable??

On my plan today I was to run 6 miles. 1 slow, 4 brisk, 1 slow. Since it is freezing today, I waited until 11 am to run. Lacing up my shoes I noticed I was a little hungry, but no biggie. The first mile my legs felt like lead. Second mile I picked up the pace and felt OK. Third mile, no way. I just stopped. Walked. I knew I couldn't do it.

FINALLY made it home. In 33 minutes. Hmm, think I was going too fast? Came in, ate a relatively big lunch, took a hot bath, and went out for the last three. Finished the total run in 1:05. About 11 minute miles average, not counting the hour lunch and bath.

I feel Ok. Now it's 2:30 and I'm kind of hungry, but don't really want to eat because I don't feel like I ran the required amount so there's no reason for a snack. Supposed to do strength training today, but there is no way.

How am I going to run 20 miles on Sat?????

FYI, I ran a half/marathon PR on Sat., ran 5 on Sunday, ran 4 on Monday, ran 5 fast on Tuesday, and ran 6 medium yesterday. Also went on a fire call yesterday which required climbing stairs in full gear.

But still!!!

No route 44 diet coke today. That's probably the whole problem right there. : )

sign of growth?

2009-12-09T07:31:00.000-08:00

Both of our paid for cars are sick. I don't mean that in the cool slang way. But both are acting up and need to go to the car doctor. I short few years ago I would have obsessed and worried about this. How would we get the money? Would we lose our house? Can I drive to fire calls? I'm a bad person for not having control of my finances and not being prepared for this.

But thankfully, by the grace of God, I'm not. Do we have an extra $2000 lying around? No. Did I just quit my partime job? Yes. Is life getting more expensive every day? Yes. Did my husband just have a motorcycle accident? Yes. Are the medical bills adding up? Yes.

But God is on His throne. My life is in His hands. Not in some sugar sweet everything is great way. But in a Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednago way. God CAN save me from this trial, but even if He does not, I will trust in Him.

a good tired

2009-12-07T18:05:00.001-08:00

I knew I would feel better when today was over. Not that I was totally dreading it, but it was full of Big Things and Events.

It was the last day of co-op. When I really caught the Christmas bug in September I marked up lots of Gooseberry Patch Christmas books with little stickies. I found lots of things I wanted to do: teacher gifts, classmate gifts, main dishes, desserts, stockings for everyone, wool trees, hand made ornaments, and on and on. What looked really cute and doable in September looked overwhelming in November. And this past weekend I almost succumbed to buying teacher gifts. Sister ended up giving sweet Mary Englebright cards that I already had, complete with interestingly spelled greetings to her teachers. JJ opted to give nothing to his teachers.

I had promised Girl's club we would make gingerbread houses. That's a whole other post, but I ended up buying the mini kits and they had a blast. If you need to know, go with the Target brand. There all pretty much the same, but Target's smell gingerbready and the Wilton ones didn't.

After making it through laundry and errands all morning, two co-op classes, gymnastics, cooking dinner and advent readings, it was 7pm and time to clean the kitchen. Sister watched TV from 6:30 - 7:00. I was peopled out, but she was needing some attention. "Look what I can do. Mom. Mom. Watch this. Mom look at me." One of my goals in quitting my job is to focus more on the kids and therefore I want to actually LOOK when they want me too. But I'm still in the training stages for this. So I remembered all the leftover gingerbread stuff and got Sister all set up gluing houses. Perfect! I cleaned the kitchen and she glued and chatted happily for an hour. She had her love tank filled and I didn't deplete mine in the process.

I'm realizing how much little patience I have and how much I need to pray for.

Sunday

2009-12-06T19:30:00.000-08:00

I fell asleep in church today. Not just nodded off, but honest to goodness ASLEEP. Hubby told Sister to elbow me. In my defense I did get up at 4am to run, have my quiet time, cook for our lunch guest, clean the house due to lunch guests, and go to the fire station for my regular Sunday workout. But still, that's pretty embarrassing.

And now I'm going to bed too late (9:30) because tomorrow is another full day.

Baby it's cold outside

2009-12-05T14:25:00.000-08:00

I'm training for a marathon. Not an official race, mind you, but a self organized marathon of one. There were two participants registered until the motorcycle incident, and he hasn't dropped out completely but I don't have high hopes.

Anyway, my training Bible said to run a half marathon race today, trying for no longer than 1:58:00. Hubby and I laughed at that. No way he or I could do that, ever. When we ran the Dallas half marathon my time was around 2:30:00 ish. Today I had a P.R. of 1:58:09!!!!!!!

I'm pretty happy, but pretty wasted. My thighs hurt. My head hurts. And I'm freezing.

Today is also the League City Christmas Parade. And the kids really, really want to walk in it with the Fire Department like they did last year. So we are, but I am dreading it. It is super cold! And I don't do cold well. I'm trying to have a good attitude. Really I am. And I'm trying to think warm thoughts.

We need a little Christmas

2009-12-04T03:42:00.000-08:00

Last night I sat up grieving with a dear friend. Then at 2am or 3, I can't remember, I went to rescue elderly people from a menacing fire alarm, and from there was yelled at by an irate homeowner to turn off the fire truck lights when I showed up in response to her calling the fire department.

So the forecast of possible snow today has me pretty happy. I stocked up on milk, eggs, and coffee yesterday. The only place a MUST go today is Sonic. And possibly to help the fine citizens of my city.

I got home about 4:30 am, ironed hubby's shirt, switched laundry, and got some pumpkin spice bread in the oven. Pandora is playing Christmas music and I'm about to sit down for my quiet time.

I truly am looking forward to today. Baking with the kids, snuggling under blankets and sleeping, I mean reading, praying for others burdens, hopefully watching some rare Houston snow.

We really need a LOT of Christmas.

even Hercule Poirot goes to the dentist

2009-12-03T06:09:00.000-08:00

I have a dentist appointment this morning. I dislike mid morning appointments because I feel like I don't have time to do anything productive beforehand and then when I get home my day is half over.

Wow. How many 'I's can a person use in one sentence. A little self-centered, no?

So, here i am wasting time before my dental appointment. JJ is walking the dog, S is taking a bath singing Christmas carols at the top of her lungs. The tree is off because I don't care for the brightness of the LED lights. I'm still in my pj's, haven't run yet. I did sit at Jesus feet. Lots of my reading has been around the theme of criticizing others. Mainly instructions to not do it.

I have a very critical spirit. My 'gift' you might say. Probably got so good at it from years of practice. The Living Bible nailed me this morning. James 5:9

Don't grumble about each other, brothers. Are you yourselves above criticism? For see! The great Judge is coming. He is almost here. (Let him do whatever criticizing must be done.)

My prayer is that my eyes and ears will be open to the sin of criticism in my life. That i will stop and receive forgiveness and truly repent, turn from this sin.

We'll see.

Seize the day

2009-12-02T07:57:00.000-08:00

Ok, it's 10:00. Kitchen is a wreck from not cleaning up yesterday's dishes, and making 3 things to take to last night's family dinner at the fire station. Living room a disaster from baskets of overdue library books, Christmas decoration boxes, fall decorations piled up, and bills that need to be paid and filed. I haven't stepped in the kids' rooms since Thanksgiving, never a good sign. Kids bathroom piled with dirty clothes, including my running clothes which do not make the bathroom smell nice. Our bedroom full of clean but piled up clothes from traveling over Thanksgiving. Cat litter needs changing badly.

I have to drive hubby to the orthopedist for follow up after motorcycle accident. I have to teach at church tonight.

So far this morning, I've been on one fire call (fire alarm), ran 8 miles, returned overdue library movies, stopped for a Route, and brought back donuts for the family. AND I TURNED THE HEAT ON because it is scary cold in my house.

JJ started on school, S is about to. Husband is working from home today due to Dr. appointment.

My plan, unfortunately not in this order -

1. sit at Jesus feet

2. attempt to make this mess some sort of haven

3. be nice to my family

4. return a phone call I don't want to

5. drive husband to doctor

6. teach class

7. iron shirts

8. supervise school

9. eat at Whataburger - husband is mourning the death of the A1 burger

10. crash in a big heap and sleep, sleep, sleep

Back from the dead

2009-09-23T06:54:00.001-07:00

So, I took some time off to really live, not to just ramble about living. And in the last few years??? I feel like I've done that.

I'm back because I'm tired of reading about other people's lives on their blogs and thinking what wonderful lives they must have. I have a wonderful life, I do fun things with my family, I attempt a life. So this is to remind ME of the blessing of my life.

I have a wonderful life, too.

without love - this mom's paraphrase

2007-11-26T14:12:00.000-08:00

If I can plan the most wonderful, meaningful, best organized Christmas Community outreach for our church, but just talk AT my preteen for a month

then I am like a vacuum cleaner that has no suction.

If I can knit and craft the most wonderful, creative, beautiful items for this weeks craft show, but yell at my daughter for interrupting me to show me her strong muscles

then I am a mother in name only.

If I keep my house in tip top eat off the floor shape, but don't let my family make a Christmas 'mess' to get the tree and decorations out

I am like a symphony to a deaf person.

One thing the Father is teaching me is that the only person I am deceiving with my 'righteousness' is my self.

Treasures -

2007-11-17T05:04:00.000-08:00

Painting a little girl's fingernails Christmas pink, all of us really playing at the part (joel included), an elven year 362 day old son still wanting to hold his mom's hand as they walk to the park. The feeling of peace I get when an area of my home is cleaned out and dejunked, closets and cabinets and all.

Treasures

2007-11-17T05:01:00.000-08:00

Thursday

Taking Joel to a different haircut place to get his hair ' fixed'. Taking Sam to the park and really playing with her, mom swinging, doing the monkey bars, sliding together and our hair all static-y. Baking holiday M and M cookies together.

Treasures for my Heart- New Haircuts

2007-11-16T10:35:00.000-08:00

Thursday
11/15/07

Joel, Sam, and me getting haircuts to look sharp for Thanksgiving. I got a great cut, Sam got an OK cut, Joel got a horrible cut. But doesn't everyone have at least a few holiday pictures from childhood were your hair looks like your little sister cut it with gardening shears?

2007-11-16T09:58:00.000-08:00

My good friend was recently in a car accident. No one was seriously injured, thank goodness, but as I was talking with her, she asked THE question. Why? What could God be trying to teach her through this.

Well, I'm no counselor, and I don't even play one on TV, so I gave her the standard, " I don't know". Which I think is valid. I don't think we usually know why trouble comes, and luckily for me I don't have the type personality that is bothered by the why questions, in the spiritual realm or otherwise. That's why I'd make a lousy scientist, but a good soldier. : )

But that is not what I want to write about anyway. As I was thinking about her situation and about trials in general, I was reminded of a truth I've been trying to live out in my own life. Living each day as a gift. This is one way firefighting has changed me. I have seen several lives abruptly end. I always wonder if they were ready, what regrets did they have, did they kiss their family that day. I want to be ready, I want to have come to terms with past regrets and live in a way that doesn't create new regrets, and I want to have kissed my family that day.

Life on this earth is short, and thankfully for us, not the end. In fact, it's not even the main event. There is a better reality, a more true reality. And we can be a part of that reality now, not just when we die. That is so exciting to me!!

There's a song by Point of Grace that says this better than I can. Although I have a slight problem with the chorus - it's not just about how you live, there is a truth to this song. I've edited the cheesy parts and left what I think is important.

Wake up to the sunlight
With your windows open
Don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken
And don't spend your life lookin' back

And go see your folks more than just on the holidays
Kiss all your children
Dance with your wife
Tell your husband you love him every night

So give to the needy
And pray for the grieving
E'en when you don't think that you can
'Cause all that you do is bound to come back to you
So think of your fellow man
Make peace with God and make peace with yourself
'Cause in the end there's nobody else

Celebrate Life

2007-10-30T13:15:00.000-07:00

This si a post I meant to do in August, but life got in the way. Yesterday I was reminded of my previous thoughts, and I'm trying to post more regualry, so here we are.

I attended a firefighter funeral yesterday. The young man did not die in a fire or anything like that, in fact it is unclear now what happened. He seems to have died in his sleep after spending the previous night in the hospital complaining of migraies and racing heart. I did not know him personally, but all firefighters were strongly encouraged to attend the service.

First of all, I had to get dressed up in my Class A dress uniform. About the only time we were that is for a funeral or a graduation. The act of putting on the uniform seemed to guide my thoughts to heavy matters. Once I arrived at the funeral home, I was given a black elastic band to put over my FD badge. Again, the very action carried alot of meaning. The service was psuedo Catholic (I have never been to a Catholic funeral, but was told by those in the know that this was like one on speed- they combined the rosary with the service and we were out in an hour, if that makes any sense)

I'm starting to ramble. My point is yesterday got me thinking about life, how short it truly is, and how everyday can be special. Everyday can have eternal meaning. It's all in our perspective. I am trying to pause sometime during each day to get my perspective right. The sad thig is I'm having to build in that pause in my daytimer. : ) I don't want to live an unexamined life anymore. I want to celebrate life, my current life, this season, this stage of my kids, this month's budget, today's job situation, today's health.

Today find a way to celebrate life. The life you have today. Thank the Creator of all life, and spend some time looking at your life through His eyes.

Not the post I set out to write

2007-10-27T05:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, as I was gazing in the mirror admiring my bicep (don't say I'm not honest on this blog), my husband asked if maybe I was a little vain. I of course told him NO, but that for once I was feeling ok about my arms and to let me enjoy it, because by tomorrow the feeling would be gone!

The happiest I've been in a lot of areas in my life, weight, organnizedness (made that one up), church job wise, self-discipline wise. It's an interesting place to be. Luckily for me I'm not the type of religious person that thinks if I'm happy I must have rampant sin in my life. Oh wait, YES I AM!

No, I don't mean that exactly, but most of my spiritual life has been waiting for the other shoe to fall. Sure I would reason, God provided for me THIS time, but if I screw up between now and the next time, watch out! Most people of my generation raised in East Texas Baptist churches experienced the same thing.

Which leads me to my husband's question and today's Bible reading. John 3 where John the Baptist says he must decrease while Christ must increase. How do you balance a healthy self attitude with denying yourself, picking up your cross and following Christ?

I know all the 'right' answers. The theories and self help books answers. I'm talking deeper than that. Just because I was admiring my bicep does not mean I've gone off the deep end to self worship. But I know that I slide all too easily into letting thoughts of self consume me. My way, my wants, my timing. My prayer today is that Christ will sit on the throne of my life and somehow my life, good biceps, lousy driving skills, the total package, will bring glory to His name.

pics

2007-10-24T13:17:00.000-07:00

Where have you been? I'm a REAL firefighter now!

2007-10-21T10:30:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it has been so long since I posted!!! When you don't post for awhile it's hard to know where to begin. So I'll just jump in .

Last Saturday (not yesterday) I went to my first for real, burning down, 15 fire truck fire.

My department was mutual aided by a neighboring town. The actual house fire was just 1 1/2 miles from my station, so we were the second truck in. Ladder 33 went, crew of 5. We could see the smoke as soon as we pulled out of the station. When we arrived on scene, we checked in with incident command to get our assignment. We were to take a second hose line (There were already 2 firefighters with a hose inside)

This was my moment of truth. During my academy training I experienced 2 live burns and lots of training with wax paper crumpled up inside my mask so I couldn't see. It was hard to imagine what a real fire would be like. Did academy adequately prepare me?

Sort of. : ) I was third out of four on the hose line. As we entered the front door of the house we had to drop to our knees because of the intense heat and heavy smoke. As we went farther in, all I could see was the reflective tape on the guy in front of me's air bottle. We advanced the hose line for about 3 minutes. Then Captain sent the order from the nozzle to back out the door. So we back out. But the guy behind me missed the door and we backed out into a corner. We readjusted and made it out the door. As we debriefed the fire later, my captain said we were in a serious flash over condition when he backed us out. What I couldn't see because of the smoke was the fingers or fire over our heads. He was using a thermal imager. He's a really good captain.

Once we were out and the house had been ventilated through the cutting of holes on the roof, we were ready to go back in. All of us but one. One of our crew, an guy in his 50's, had given blood about an hour before and was not feeling 100 percent. Since we couldn't leave just one guy out and since I had the least experience I had to stay out with him. bummer. But I look at it as God's protection over me. And probably over the rest of the crew. : )

The rest of my team went in and did some great fire suppression. After they came out and we all rested, we were reassigned to standby as a firefighter rescue crew, RIT. Then it was regular fireground stuff.

ANYWAY, my next post will be a link to the GREAT pictures of the fire. It's never dull around here, that's for sure.

Tips from the Fire Department

2007-10-03T09:27:00.000-07:00

Here is my fire dept. tip for the week - this tip was duly demonstrated on 2 calls this week.

If you are going to leave your house and go to work OR pass out from narcotics - order takeout. Don't cook.

If you do decide to cook, please be sure your house is picked up and welcoming for the police and fire dept., who will arrive and break in your door.
If you are at work, you are saved from the embarrassing explanations of the empty whisky bottles and underwear in the trash. When we have to turn off the power to your kitchen you will at least be thankful your refrigerator was empty except for a six pack of beer.
If you are home, it is a little more awkward to explain why you didn't hear your smoke alarms, your neighbors pounding on the door, your dogs going crazy due to the smoke, the police warning you before they break down the door (just like on Cops), and the fire captain shaking you awake.

My husband is pretty happy I went on these calls since I have been keeping the house MUCH cleaner as a result.

where I am right now

2007-10-02T09:08:00.000-07:00

first a little background -

I have had a regular devotion time since I was 10, most of the time daily. Sure there have been season when they have been less regular and even stopped for a month or so. I grew up in the 'God only hears you in the morning' school of thought. I decided in high school that my quiet time should be equal in length to my make-up routine. (Which did help shorten my make-up application time by about 30 min. When applying blue eye liner and blue mascara you must take your time and do it right!)

However, even after 20 years or regular devotion times, I still feel like a baby Christian. I still feel at a loss when I consider what to do for my devotion time. Most of the time I still fell like my prayers hit the ceiling. Guild also sneaks up on me when I don't have my quiet time first thing in the morning, or when I workout (my latest obsession, be thankful I retired the blue mascara) longer than I read the Bible.

So there's the past - here's today.

Sometimes I go 2 or 3 days in a row without a dedicated time spent reading the Bible. Now, I pray every day, and every day I surrender this day to Christ and spend time talking with him. BUT I don't always open his book. (I'm 2 months behind in my read the Bible through plan)

This REALLY bothers me. I seem to have time to run 32 miles a week, make an average of 6 fire calls a week, fire training and special events, go to church, pick up the house (no real cleaning going on), cook, homeschool, and even watch Survivor. BUT I CAN'T SPEND 20 MINUTES READING THE BIBLE????

Ok, so why don't I just do it?

However, even after 20 years or regular devotion times, I still feel like a baby Christian. I still feel at a loss when I consider what to do for my devotion time. Most of the time I still fell like my prayers hit the ceiling. Guild also sneaks up on me when I don't have my quiet time first thing in the morning, or when I workout (my latest obsession, be thankful I retired the blue mascara) longer than I read the Bible.

I don't think my past formula has yielded the great results I want to see. I want real change, I want real growth. I want real connectedness with God. No phony, pie in the sky, check of my Bible reading plan stuff. Frankly, I don't have time for that.

And so my dilemma. Unfortunately, when I look to past generations of saints and Christians, I see that their path to God is the same one I'm on - and it includes the same things I'm doing, Bible reading, prayer, contemplation, longing. Is this desire for even more of God, just another part of the journey?

Life Keeps Getting In The Way

2007-09-07T17:33:00.000-07:00

My life keeps getting in the way of blogging about my life!

Since my last post we have spent the weekend with my parents, started homeschool up, ran 10 miles, someone in my family got a major haircut, and I went on lots of routine fire calls.

And for some reason I am wiped out! I don't know what was the straw on the camels back, but this camel's back is definitely broken.

Here are a few cute pics though.

Ode to a clean bathroom

2007-08-28T13:59:00.000-07:00

I just went to p-- in a clean bathroom that was not cleaned by me!!

Sorry, I couldn't resist. As a mom, when is the last time you enjoyed a sparkling clean bathroom that YOU did not clean?? When have YOU been the first one to mess up a clean bathroom??

TODAY! TODAY! TODAY!!

I have found one of the few perks of having a 'tween age child. THEY CAN DO THINGS! LIKE CLEAN BATHROOMS! After several months of 'team' cleaning the bathrooms with me, my 11 and 1/2 year old son and 6 yr 364 day old daughter cleaned the bathroom without any input from me! When I went in later to avail myself of the facilities I was surprised at the good smell and clean counters that greeted me.

In the midst of smelly boy hormones, the beginning of teen angst, and the forgetfulness of the preteen mind, comes this ray of silver lining - he can clean!

The IN Crowd

2007-08-25T16:29:00.000-07:00

I purposely arrange my family life to center around our family - I know, I know, DUH. What I mean is we are usually either at home, with neighbors, or at our small church. Please, no hate mail. I am not intentionally raising psychopaths. The kids get PLENTY of exposure to the real world and so far I don't think you could pick them out of a crowd as 'alien homeschoolers'.

That said it is not THAT often that they are in groups of their peers, in new environments. Karate is by ability and length of time in the program. Sam and Joel are in the same group, with about 15 other kids of various ages. Our neighborhood has about 5 kids plus Sam and Joel who play together almost every afternoon, and that is a mixed group of all ages, and includes a high functioning autistic child, a bipolar child, and a severely autistic child. At church, due to lack of students and teachers, the kids end up in classes of K - 5th most of the time.

Today was their first day of Upwards Cheer leading and Football and a local church. Joel had a great time and worked very hard. His team has 2nd - 6th graders on it.

Sam's group is mainly 2nd graders. She's on the Sparklers Squad. She also had a great time and worked very hard.

BUT, as I watched her in the group, my heart broke a little. Of course she was the smallest, but not the youngest. She and I have gotten used to that situation. I think now we just make a mental note of it and move on. The first thing I noted was the other girls seemed so grown up! I don't mean that in a negative way. In fact, I was pleasantly surprised by their sweetness and modest dress. I just mean their cares and thoughts are on things Sam has no concept of yet. It's a little bit like the difference between a baby that crawls and one that doesn't. Whole worlds have opened up for the mobile baby, while the other just sits in contentment, not knowing anything is missing.

The other noticeable thing was that Sam couldn't do the moves. I'm not talking collegiate cheer here, just S C OR E, SCORE, SCORE SCORE with a few jabs and V's. Everyone else learned them with flying colors. I'm not exaggerating, EVERYONE else.

I think what bothered me the most, was the surprise of it all. I know my kids are different, but as I said earlier, I'm rarely confronted with that fact. Also, Joel's differentness comes more from choices he makes. He knows not everyone is obsessed with Bionicles and that his obsession cause some of his acquaintances to laugh at him, but he doesn't care. He realizes his tastes in books and TV are not those of his peers, and he's ok with that.

Sam's differentness, at least in my opinion, is not from conscious choice. She desperately wants to be liked, to fit in. Luckily she doesn't realize yet how much she doesn't fit in. Maybe she never will. She does feel that something is missing in her social interactions, but she doesn't know what it is, or how to get it.

I know some people will say all kids are like that at certain stages and all parent go through these feelings. I wish I was blowing a stage of development out of proportion. But I'm not. (I have done that enough times to know)

When I think about Sam's little life, the difficulties she has already faced, the ones yet to come, I can only think how great God's plan for this little life must be and how humbled and honored I am to be chosen to be a part of it. And how desperately I need wisdom to navigate her course.

name with a face

2007-08-24T17:52:00.000-07:00

Here is the news article about the wreck. I keep looking for her obit, but I haven't been able to find it online.

Woman dies in late-night auto crash

By Scott E. Williams
The Daily News

Published August 17, 2007

LEAGUE CITY — A late-night wreck on FM 646 killed a Dickinson woman and hospitalized a Houston man.

The man reportedly was driving a 2001 Lexus west in the 3300 block of FM 646 East near FM 1266 about 11 p.m. Wednesday when the Lexus veered into the eastbound lane and struck a 1997 Honda Civic head-on.

Police arrived within minutes to find the Civic’s driver, 47-year-old Donna Bunach-Lawson, dead.

The driver of the Lexus, a 42-year-old Houston resident, went to Memorial Hermann Trauma Center via helicopter ambulance. He was in stable condition in the hospital Thursday, police said.

Officers also said they found evidence to suggest alcohol played a role in the accident. Charges had not been filed Thursday, but the investigation was under way. Charges could be forthcoming, police Lt. James Spencer said.

However, charges have already been filed in a related crash.

Shortly before 1 a.m. Thursday, as police continued their investigation of the deadly wreck, a 1992 Chevrolet Suburban traveling west in the 3300 block of FM 646 East slammed into a parked patrol car that was stationed in the roadway with its flashing lights on to protect the officers at the scene.

The impact from the Suburban caused the police car to spin forward, hitting two officers, police said. They went to area hospitals where they were treated and released. A third officer received treatment from an EMS crew at the scene for injuries caused when debris from the second crash hit him.

Spencer said one of the officers would be on light duty for a few days, but the other two would not require any such treatment.

“They were really fortunate, because that could easily have been a lot worse,” he said. “They’re pretty sore, but they’re doing well, and both came away with no broken bones.”

San Leon resident Hermilo Pacho faces a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. He was in the county jail Thursday under $75,000 bond.

Austin and a quick update

2007-08-24T17:25:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we visited with some dear friends in Austin. Here are some pics.

Or there would be, but blogger is being very. stubborn.

On the fire front, I assisted a sister fire dept. on a boat fire last week. Pretty fun, not any real fire, but I did go inside a boat with a thermal imager.

Fatal Car Accident

2007-08-16T03:00:00.000-07:00

*****Serious disclamer - Sensitive material*****

this post is my raw narration of dealing with my first fatality

I went to bed about 10:20 and must have fallen asleep quickly. At 10:55 I was headed out the door to stand by for

Hold on. We were just toned out to the same place for another major accident involving a cop. (1:00)

I'm back and it's 2:30. I'll tell this story at the end.

At 10:55 I was headed out the door to stand by for EMS and lifeflight, major accident. Was at the station 2nd. We were only on standby so we did not gear up and run to the truck. About 2 min later they said to come on. So JB drove, Captain in the seat, Dave S, VD, and me. We were 2nd truck in. It was a head on collision , Lexus and Honda Civic. Lexus was in the wrong lane, but the Civic lost. 13 was to extricate Lexus which was in the ditch, we were to work on the Civic in the street.

VD and Dave were super with me. We were in a big hurry, jumped off (packed out, of course) and met at the back of the truck where the jaws of life are. Carried our generator and tools (70lb tools) to the car, almost running. Captain met us at the car and told us to slow down, there was no hurry, the driver of the Civic was DOA.

We did disconnect the battery on the Lexus so it wouldn't spark and catch fire.

SOOOOOO, at this point there was lots of standing around waiting. The Lexus driver was extricated easily and EMS was working on him. I don't see how he could have made it, but I don't know. They carried him off in the ambulance.

Then there was a lot of discussion about who would extricate the Civic lady. Both Captains wanted me to do it since it would be good practice under less pressure. Except of course for the dead body. My Captain asked if I was ok with it. He told me it would be pretty brutal. I told him it was now or never. I was actually more worried about using the tool. It is very heavy and hard for me to lift up and operate.

More waiting while the cops completed there accident investigation. Then we had to wait for the Medical Examiner. Then it was show time for me.

First I cut off the top of the door frame that was hanging down in the way. I did well on that. Then I was supposed to pop the Nader pin. Not as well on that. Everyone said I did great, but Captain had to help me by supporting the tool and it took me like 6 or 7 tries.

A rookie from Station 1 (big guy) popped the front off - Captain had to help him hold the tool also, that made me feel a little better.

So the door was off and now - the victim. Everyone was just standing around and the district chief said this was kind of a rookie job. There were three of us and we just walked over there with our latex gloves on and yanked. I had her lower half, which was not going to come out easily. I told the guys to lift her up and we were able to get her out and lay her on a sheet on the ground that the ems people had put on her head earlier.

I was told to expect a mandatory grief counseling session later in the week. All the guys checked on me and made sure I was ok. I couldn't have asked for a better crew.

Here's the story from the second call. Cops and wrecker people were still working the scene from the first accident when a drunk driver came plowing through. Hit the cop car and another car. The cop was lifeflighted to a hospital and the drunk guy was taken into custody and to a hospital by ambulance. We stayed after lifeflight left to help secure the scene with our truck and so they could use the truck lights.

This call bothered me alot, because I had just been standing right there, talking with the cop who was hurt. I knew him now.

I'm going to bed now. I think the second call helped tire me out enough to sleep, which might have been difficult right after the first call.

Vertically Challenged Firefighter

2007-08-13T18:59:00.000-07:00

The Fam Spies on Me During a Call

2007-08-13T18:54:00.000-07:00

Alive

2007-08-13T18:38:00.000-07:00

I am still alive - even though my blog does not reflect that fact. I've been away trying to have a life, which is highly overrated.

Still training for the 10K. Got some sweet Mizuno running shoes. Rode my bike 12 miles round trip to the library during a heat advisory. Made some stupid fire calls - let me rephrase that- there are no stupid fire calls, just stupid people who call the fire department.

Short recap - Saturday drove around LC in fire truck numerous times, never got out of said truck. Example. We leave the station Priority 3 (no lights or sirens) to aid in the overhaul of burning tires. En route we are called to a major highway accident to assist lifeflight. Lights and sirens go on. ONE MINUTE LATER we are told by command to return to our original assignment of burning tire help. Lights and sirens off. ONE MINUTE LATER we are sent back to the station. I'm sure the cars that passed us, then we passed, and then they passed us again and saw us tun around were very impressed with LC Volunteer Fire Department.

Went to a call where the homeowners exhaust fan 'smelled funny'. Went to a church at 5:00 am Sunday morning where there fire alarms were going off. Today I went to a structure fire at a nursing home that turned out to be a burned up fan motor with lots of smoke and no flames. Got denied a seat on 33 but made 31.

Now I have to play housewife since I spent all evening playing firefighter.

Creature of the Day

2007-08-03T06:08:00.000-07:00

I could have chosen to do monster creature of the day, but luckily for you I combined them all into one post.

Here are the wasps that inflicted much pain on Jim. Don't worry, he took a picture of his finger, that come later for body part of the day.

They used to be common around West Texas, but I haven't seen one since I was a little girl. Here is a real live hornytoad.

I saw at least 50 tarantulas in Post. We would be driving and from a LONG WAY AWAY we could see this thing crossing the highway. When I went running on my cousin's ranch I would have to wait for one to cross in front of me. All I could think of was Greg Brady and the Hawaii adventure!

Quotes of the trip

2007-08-01T06:57:00.000-07:00

Before I forget, I wanted to put down the best quotes from the trip. Some people had so many good ones that it was hard to choose.

Samantha - "This trip is not all about you!" Said to NaNaw when told we weren't going into the dollar store.

Joel and Cameron - C said, "Who knew work could be this much fun?"
J said, "Hush, don't let them hear you say that!"
As they were clearing away vines and branches from Meme's house.

Zachary - "Is Lubbock as broken down as this town?" His mom answered no. "Oh, OK then I can go to Tech."

Alesha - "I wish I loved to ski."

Krista - "I wish I loved my sister more."

Jim - "WASPS!"

NaNaw - "Carolyn took it."

PaPaw - "Get me 2 large sweet teas, extra ice, and 3 sugar cookies."

Quinton - "I don't want to be freakishly tall."

2007-07-30T17:32:00.000-07:00

So, where were we. Sunday we met everyone in Dallas. Monday morning we left early for Post. You've seen a few pics of our drive. The reason for the visit was a family mission trip to my 89 yr old grandmother's house. She still lives by herself and is in pretty good health for her age. But her house needed a thorough cleaning and the yard was being overtaken by mutant vines. So entered the Dream Clean Team. My uncle who lives in Post said we were more like migrant workers since we only come through and work about once a year.

Jim and Dad's job was to battle the vines and keep the 3 boy cousins gainfully employed. And as you can tell from the picture his other job was looking good.

Only in Texas

2007-07-29T15:32:00.000-07:00

I alerted my family about my quest for picture of the day. My parents drove thru Haskell, Tx about 20 min. before we did and they called to alert us about the great photo op. Along the side of the highway is this truck, I guess for deer hunting? We stopped to take a pic and wild and crazy sister CLIMBED UP ON THE TRUCK. That's a great sister, she risked 3rd degree burns for my blog. I owe her big.

The Beginning

2007-07-29T12:27:00.001-07:00

Post is sooooooo far for us South Texans, that we break the trip up by spending a night in the Metroplex with my sister. Since the WHOLE fam was going, we sort of caravaned. Mom and Dad went on ahead since we hate following them. My sis and her kids and me and my kids in one car, Jim and Lexi in another. From Dallas we take Hwy 380 all the way to Post.

There is not much on 380. Except Dairy Queens, there are plenty of those. Enough to make you hope you NEVER see another one. But that's not the only reason to hate the DQ's along 380. Oh, no, there are LOTS MORE.

This is the DQ at Graham. Here is the shorthand version of the melodrama.

It took an hour to get our food - even though there was only one other table of people
It smelled pretty bad
The best worker they had was a slow witted guy named - RUBYSPELL - no, I am not making that up. I thought it was a joke nametag until I noticed he answered to it!!
The food was so greasy that Sam urped at the table and vomit went up her face under her glasses - (urped seems to be a Martin family word for throw up dating back generations - who knew)

Pic of the Day

2007-07-29T12:20:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite blogs was on vacation 2 weeks ago at some beautiful spot on the Carolina coast. Instead of blogging they posted a picture of the day, which was a great shot of them having the time of their lives in a beautiful location. Since I was planning a week long trip myself, I was inspired to follow in their footsteps.

The main problem with that being I was not going to some beautiful spot on the beach to have the time of my life. Don't worry though, I think these pictures from Post, Tx, will inspire you in some way. My mission will be complete if I stop just one person from wasting their life stopping at Dairy Queen's along HWY 380.

I tried to capture the essence of the trip - so from DQ's to dumpsters, enjoy.

P.S. - I couldn't limit my self to a picture of the day.

Volvo does not have a good fire rating

2007-07-20T15:25:00.000-07:00

I haven't had time to write about MY FIRST STRUCTURE FIRE!!!!! I've also hesitated
because I didn't have the same exultant feeling after it and I'm not sure why. But here's the lowdown.

The call came Friday July 6th (my mom's 60th day) around 7pm. A third party called in that there was a house on fire in their neighborhood. That usually means a real fire. Jim was at church leading a music rehearsal and would be home around nine. J recently finished the Red Cross Babysitting class had been left in charge for short times before. So - I shouted a few quick instructions and ran out the door. OHHHHHH - I just remembered why I didn't have a major high after the fire. Because during the whole thing I felt so worried about the kids. I second guessed my decision to go at all, even as a sped down the street in the BRT.

We rolled with a crew of 5. And we were FIRST in. A couple of guys grabbed the hose, and a couple of us grabbed pike poles. It was in a super nice neighborhood. A 3 car detached garage was fully engulfed. As we drove up the Captain said, "Oh *&^%^&, we're going defensive." That means it's so far gone that all we can do is to keep the fire from spreading to other buildings.

My job was to take down the ceiling of the breezeway that connected the garage to the house. IT WAS HARDIPLANK!! And very hard to take down. I must admit I didn't fly through that. However, when I did get a chunk down it was very satisfying! I took off my gloves in order to get a better handle on the pike pole. After a few minutes, I noticed blood running down my pike pole. I had to look myself over to see where I was hurt because I didn't feel any pain. Then I saw it. My left index finger had a pretty major cut.

I ripped off my hood and wrapped around my finger to stop the bleeding. Unfortunately, it wouldn't stop. It bled through my hood. Captain saw it and sent me to the ambulance!! It still didn't hurt. I asked them for a bandaid. They laughed at me and said I needed stitches. Uh - NO WAY - this is my first structure fire!! Just wrap it up and let me GOOOOOO. They said I had 24 hours to change my mind.

By the time I got back with my crew, they were at rehab - taking a break while the next crew went in. The fire was basically out. After a while, my crew was asked if we were ready to go back in . OF COURSE!

I somehow managed to shove my heavily bandaged finger into my gloves and went to work. We were doing overhaul in the garage. That means sifting through everything and looking for hidden fire. Whenever we found some, I got to use the hose and put it out.

There was nothing bigger than my hand left in the garage. It was like a giant fireplace full of ashes. Except for the frame of a car. The frame and only the frame.

By this time the owner had arrived. For someone who had just lost his car and his garage, he was in a pretty good mood. Captain asked what kind of car it was. Volvo. Captain joked, that crash rating didn't really work for you. Owner laughed. And then Captain said, "I shouldn't joke. We are sorry for your loss, sir."

And we were, and I'm proud to be a part of this group.

Half-Marathon

2007-07-20T15:19:00.000-07:00

Jim and I have decided to up our private invitation only race to a half-marathon. 13.1 miles. For no real reason except that we are insane and like to be insane together. My sister offered to stage herself multiple times along the route to cheer and hand us water. I told her I'd thank her on the back of the t-shirt. And if you think I'm not really making t-shirts, you're crazy.

So here's my training log update.

Tues I ran 4 miles slowly.
Wed I ran 5 miles steady.
Thurs I rested.

Today I ran 2 mile in the pouring down rain. I'm supposed to run 6 miles tomorrow. The thought of that makes my knees quiver!!

Running Crazy

2007-07-16T06:35:00.000-07:00

I've been running for about 2 years. It definitely is what keeps me in shape. Two friends are going to run the Houston half-marathon or the 10K and have asked Jim and I to run along with them and join their training group.

We're such non-joiners and cheapskates that of course we said no, but I think we might try to run and train on our own. I started my OFFICIAL training today and I think I'll use the blog to keep up with my numbers.

What is really going to stink is when Jim does no 'real' training and just wakes up the day of the race and does just fine. Ugh, athletic men.

Today I
1.5 mile jog
4 x 400 meter fast with 2 min recoveries (2.07, 2.15, 2.21, 2.13)
1.5 mile walk/jog every other lap

That's a pretty good start I think.

Mother and Daughter Keg Party

2007-06-29T18:24:00.000-07:00

Today my 6 yr old and I went to the mall. She is MUCH more of a shopper than I am, but today she needed a bribe, I mean reward for good behavior to motivate her into said behavior. Furiously trying to avoid Build a Bear, I spotted Godiva. Even though she is adopted, she has my obsession with chocolate and for her, the fancier packaged the better. And I figured an afternoon dealing with a truffle high was cheaper than 15 year maintenance on an adorably dressed stuffed koala.

After several L O N G minutes of careful consideration, she choose her poison. I tell the chocolatista, 2 Grand Mariner truffles please. She stares wide-eyed. "I can't sell you that for her, ma'am." The -you idiot- was implied. "Why not?"

Because they are a LIQUEUR Truffle.

OHHHHHHHHHHH! I explained that since I don't drink, I don't know the names of Liqueurs. Some of my friends always said something bad would happen if never drank. Now I know. : )

One Man's Trash Is Another Woman's Treasure

2007-06-28T14:21:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning about 7:15 a tone dropped. Vehicle fire. Due to camping and hubby's Boston trip, I hadn't been on a truck in 2 WEEKS! Hubby was still home and offered to go in to work late so I could make the call. SWEET! He didn't have to offer twice.

I made the truck! Sch. drove, B.H. rode Captain and there were three pumpkins in the back, me, Z, and Nay. Later B. said he almost didn't roll without another black hat, but since he had worked with all three of us he decided to go on.

Vehicle fire it was not. It was a trash truck who's trash was on fire.

When we arrived on scene, the district chief led the truck down a less traveled road, and we followed in 31. After sizing up the situation it was decided that he would have to dump his load. So he did, his full load mind you, all down the street in a nice long pile. Right by a no dumping sign. Hee hee.

There were flames coming from the pile. Z used the deck gun and rained down water onto the pile. After the fire was out, the nasty work of overhaul started. The three guys used pike poles to turn the nasty nasty garbage over while I used the booster line to drench any smoke or flames. My, did it STINK. The office said, "Now you've seen the glory of the fire department."

Ugh.

That said - IT WAS ONE OF MY BEST DAYS EVER!! I loved every minute of it!

I've been trying to put into words the post fire call euphoria that I experience - which is worship - but I can't seem to get my thoughts out of my head. Two friends with very different world views have helped shape my thinking.

One fellow firefighter who made the bad wreck a few posts back and was up close has a very meaty blog post about the whole spirituality thing. I need to ask her if I can link to her post. The wreck brought out a need for a higher power, for it to all not be random. I think my worship experiences come from the same place, I just have a structure in place that that kind of response and need can express itself readily.

My other friend remarked that we worship whenever we are truly alive. She thinks the reason we don't worship more is that we are so seldom alive. That really makes sense to me. Yesterday, as I was saving L.C. one trash truck at a time : ), I didn't have time to read my Bible, journal about my feelings, practice the any spiritual disciplines, or memorize scripture. But I spent the entire day on cloud nine, not by myself, but in the presence of God who was smiling with me. I mean, now we know for sure He has a sense of humor. He created me and thought how much fun it would be to see me at 35 finally finding myself in a volunteer fire dept.!

I think both my friends are on to something. I think I am most alive when I am helping my fellow man in a time of chaos, a time of possible death. And when I am most alive I feel closest to the one who gives me life.

Quiet on the home front

2007-06-18T14:53:00.000-07:00

I basically have nothing to say, but I feel guilty for not posting. That probably says alot about me.

My hubby's gone for the week so I won't be making any fire calls. I had to turn the pager and scanner off so I wouldn't obsess about the calls I can't make. That probably says alot about me too.

I do have several deep thoughts rambling around that will make good post topics some day. Maybe even tonight since I've vowed not to stay up watching garbage on TV which I tend to do when he's gone. Look for topics like being prepared, worship as life, and blatant sexism from the pulpit.

Hmmm, does watching the Electric Co on Youtube count as watching garbage TV?

quick update

2007-06-12T12:58:00.000-07:00

Just for my own records, I'm trying to keep a log of the calls I make.

It's been VERY quiet around LC, but since the cat rescue, I've made two calls. One was a bad accident around midnight. There were 2 people pinned in a upside-down-tree-hitting truck. All Engine 31 did was land the two lifeflight birds. We even had to stay in the truck the whole time!

The next night there was a fire alam call in a fancy-schmancy house. After checking everything out and determining it was nothing, we reset her alarm and went home.

Women Driver

2007-06-11T10:27:00.000-07:00

I wasn't sure I wanted to share this- it's a little embarrassing. BUT, since I can't keep a secret, even about myself, here goes.

I was out of the fire truck helping the driver back up into a busy street, when i misjudged how long it would take the biggest firetruck on the planet to stop, once I told him to, and we hit the guardrail.

Yeah, it was something alright.

It was Saturday before last and we had been doing PR at a grand opening of a new martial arts school. The 2 hours had gone well. People had tried on our gear, sat in the cab, and we even squirted a little water. We couldn't turn around in the parking lot of the strip center, so the guy riding in the officer seat told me to back us out. I warned everyone involved that I had never does this before. "Great time to learn". Uh-huh. "Just don't get run over by the truck."

So, I put on the headset on and motioned for Captain to start backing up. "Hello Sunshine" was how we started the maneuver. Cleared the shopping center, no traffic on the usually busy street, so far so good. Now, I see the guardrail, but we got plenty of room. 3ft, 2ft, 1ft - "stop. . . STOP. . STOP". bump. Just ever so slightly, in fact, they didn't feel it in the cab and I would have been better off ignoring it.

Captain shouted, "DID WE HIT IT???"
"um, yeah, tapped it a little"
"GET IN THE TRUCK"

Needless to say, the ride back to the station was pretty quiet, except of the mutterings of curse words. (You'll be proud to know I did not live up to my nickname)

I knew there wasn't any damage, but I sat tight in the cab while the to officers checked it out. I was ready for a total rear chewing, but none came. I think it's cause I'm a girl, and he (Captain) doesn't know quite how to handle me. Whatever the reason, I'm glad.

Things are alright with us now - but I bet it's a LONG time before I get asked to back anyone up!

Because I Can

2007-06-07T18:06:00.000-07:00

Just to show you that I AM in an elite group now that I'm a firefighter, and that I'm privy to all sorts of top secret city info I'll share a little of that power with you.

The hydrant at Michigan St. and Coryell will be out of service for an indeterminate amount of time.

Feel the power?

Real Firefighters Rescue Cats

2007-06-06T17:26:00.000-07:00

Now I am an offical firefighter. Not because I've been to a house fire, but because I've rescued a cat! Well the cat was alive when we left, but he might not have lasted long.

We were at regular Tuesday night training. The rookies, me included, were demonstrating our lack of ability to do a triple lay with 4 sections of hose. There were about 15 or so firefighters. The tone dropped and everyone froze. The dispatcher called for Ladder 33 (us) for a nonemergency call to rescue a cat from a tree. I wasn't sure how it was determined who went and who stayed. Our truck seats 7. My cadet buddy and I looked at each other and took off running for our gear. We made the truck!

Our captain radioed dispatch to say "Ladder 33 in with, unbelievably, a crew of 7 to rescue the cat." On the way there, Captain told me to gear up because I would be the climber. The idea was to use the 100 ft ariel ladder and grab the cat.

Once on scene we found animal control, lots of gawking neighbors, and one disgruntled cat. Garfield had been 40 ft up in a pine tree for five days. He did NOT look happy. Captain decided to have a little fun, and instead of telling all the other stations to disregard, he told everyone to stand-by at their stations.

After 15 minutes of trying to situate the ladder, we gave up using the ariel. We had to use an extension ladder instead. Due to the location of the tree, house and fence, it was NOT a very safe ladder to climb. Captain decided to do it himself. So he climbed and 5 of us footed the wobbly ladder.

I was sent with my jacket to the neigbors yard to catch Garfield if he fell. Well, he did fall, missed the net Captain had, missed my jacket, but did land on his feet. He hit the ground and took off running. Ran around the yard a few times and then hid under a bench.

After assuring the neighborhood children that he wasn't dead, we loaded up and went back to the station.

Stay tuned for possible video - Captain was wearing a helmet cam.

I'M A REAL FIREFIGHTER NOW!!!

2007-06-01T15:34:00.000-07:00

It finally happened!! I saw real flames!
Wednesday night at 12:45 the tone dropped. I hopped up and ran to the door. After a week of West side calls I was thrilled to hear "East side". But the adrenaline really kicked in when I heard, "car fire between two houses, fully involved". Ya-hooooo!!! (I realize someone lost their car, had damage to their house, and generally had a nightmare of a night, but since someone had to go put the fire out, I think I can rejoice a little in the fact that it was me)

I made it in the door with J our driver. I was dressed and packed out and waiting in the truck a good 30 seconds before the next guy arrived. G came and rode in the captains seat. Then there were four of us pumpkin heads in the back. R, Nay, T, and me.

We we arrived on scene the F150 was fully involved, with the flames reaching the roof line. In fact the asphalt of the roof started melting and running down the side of the house. I was 3rd person on the hose, just where I like to be. : ) It took about 3 or 4 minutes to get the fire out. There must have been some magnesium in the steering column because when we hit it with water it flared up big time. The fiberglass hood melted off, which is handy for getting water into the engine compartment. By the time it was over, the front two tires melted off, the seats were down to the metal, basically everything was gone.

We knocked out a few windows with the water pressure. His electric meter and breaker box were melted.

I must say that I had the time of my life. From driving up to breaking down the hose, it was great. It was actually a spiritual experience and I had a great hour of praise and worship laying in bed trying to calm down and go to sleep. I'll have to write later about why it was so meaningful - after I figure out how to say it!

Killing Me

2007-05-22T06:31:00.000-07:00

There have not been any fire calls in days, weeks, months, years, who knows how long!! Of course as I type this a tone just dropped - a tone that I will not be able to make because Jim just left for work.

okaaaaaay, the tone dropped, but the dispatcher has not come on. Weird. Anyway, as I was saying - it's been slooooooooooow.

Hubby leaves tomorrow for a conference - so I'm sure it will be a super busy weekend.

I'm up to my eyeballs in VBS. Ugh.

Basically, I'm writing this drivel to avoid moving into active mode, you know, cleaning the kitchen, working on VBS, getting dressed.

One serious thing I want to work on this week is reconnecting with J. I feel him growing up and away from me. I know that is normal, after all he is almost 12, but I must keep hold of his heart. I need him to know he can open up and talk to me about his changing world, and his spirituality.

Ugh, Ladder 33 in with a crew of 4. Bah! It's a nothing call, but still, I love the whole thing.

It's a Baby Girl, Mr. Vardiman

2007-05-19T14:30:00.000-07:00

Today is my 35th birthday. My dad called as he does every year quoting my mom's OB-GYN, "It's a baby girl, Mr. Vardiman." Remember what it was like to NOT know the sex of your baby? Wow, I must be old!

Surprisingly, I am having one of my best birthday's ever. Really! Just as good as when I would make my high school boyfriend give me a Birthday Week. See, I have matured!

Hubby is out of town having a whole 'Wild Hog' weekend in Austin. My neighbor pointed out that he was gone last year on my birthday too. Hmm, I may need to check in to that. But he and the kids surprised me last night with a cake from Target and a pair of fire station appropriate jogging pants. Of course they were the same ones I had bought for myself last week, but it's the thought that counts.

My day started off right with a East side fire call at 3:00 am. The house's fire alarm was going off and the resident smelled smoke. Whoo - hoo! It turned out to be nothing, of course and I guess I'm very happy for the lady, but it was the first time in several days that our truck rolled. I was first to the station, even had time to go to the bathroom. I crawled around in her attic with the thermal. We didn't smell smoke and I didn't see anything with the thermal. I guess since I didn't hear that the house burned down, I didn't miss any hidden fire.

I went to the station for 3BC, but nobody else showed up. Came home, picked up the house, and got beautified. The army kid from fire academy called me to wish me happy birthday!! From Ft. Hood! That really made my day. I found out Jim had emailed Miss Delish and asked her to let everyone from academy know it was my birthday and that I was going to be alone. Sweet!

We then shopped League City. I was looking for something to wear to church tomorrow. Didn't find anything, but did find a fancy schmancy pasta maker for $10 at the resale shop. Been wanting one so I don't have to pay out the wazzzoo for fresh pasta at Kroger.

Then it was off to the library. Got a scary shark movie and an Indiana Jones movie for tonight. Ran in to Miss Delish at the library. She goes as much as I do. She had just been to my house to drop off balloons and then saw my car at the library and found me to tell me happy b-day. I know this sounds lame, but I love those guys!!

My newly relocated neighbor stopped by to catch up, the kids are outside playing, the weather is gomorgeous, took the kids out to an overpriced bistro where they both actually ate something other than pizza, I'm going to go run in awhile and watch movies all night. This has been a good day.

OOOOO, I almost forgot, my Capt wrote a Haiku for me -

A Birthday Haiku for Krista
(since she likes Japanese stuff)
by Ray

It's F-Bomb's birthday
Short people have feelings, too
So send her some love

The End.

P.S. This made very little sense.

Life is good. Even when I'm 35.

A Little More to the Story

2007-05-17T18:49:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess I'll give the real story of my first call. It's guaranteed to bring a smile to your face.

It was pouring down rain, last Thurs. night, and I was trying to sleep. I had the pager next to me on the bedside table. In my heart I knew there would be a call. It was starting to lightening BAD. Then the tone dropped. Beeeeeeeep. Jim, who had been asleep, woke up shouting, "GO, GO, GO!!" Honestly, I wasn't planning on going. I mean it was REALLY raining. But, I went, mainly to shut Jim up.

I drive in the blinding rain, too fast, to Station 3. Park, pull my socks off so they don't get wet, and run to my cubby. Got my pants on, grab my jacket, and hop in the truck. Our first out truck seats 7 and I was 6th in. After I kind of sat down, we zoooooomed off, sirens blaring, lights flashing. I hastily buckle up, seatbelt and jacket. The call is a fire alarm going off at an apartment complex.

Horror stricken, I realize I have forgotten my SCBA mask. If this is a real fire, I will be worthless, stuck in the truck. I take off my headset and mike, and tell my veteran buddy in the seat next to me the bad news! He thinks for a minute and remembers there is an extra one in one of the compartments. Thank goodness.

We roll up on the scene and the Capt. and another firefighter get out to try the doors. My buddy grabs the extra mask and now I'm good to go. The Capt. calls for me to grab the thermal imager and meet him at the front door. I grab the imager, and hop out of the truck. Um, almost. I had seatbelted myself through my jacket and my air pack. I was literally stuck in my seat. Just imagine watching me all geared out repeatedly trying to stand up and being pulled back into my seat. Yeah, they were laughing too.

The guys helped extricate me, and I do hop out. And my pants fall down. In my haste I had forgotten to pull up my suspenders. Sooooooooo, I walk, I mean limp (remember the ditching of the socks- major blisters) up to the Capt. holding my pants up with one hand and the imager in the other. The look on his face was priceless.

I survived, there was no fire, and 20 min. later when we were hanging out at the station and the second tone dropped, I was correctly dressed. Again, no fire, but obviously I needed the practice. : )

Just Sit Right Back

2007-05-17T12:25:00.000-07:00

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip
That started from my fire station
On a truck, not a ship.

The capt. was a mighty fi-re man,
The driver told some yarns.
Six firefighters set off that day
For two false alarms, two false alarms.

The weather started getting rough,
The tube socks were tossed,
If not for the risk of blisters
The seat would be lost, the seat would be lost.

The rookie sat down and buckled herself through her jacket too
No SCBA
Suspenders lose,
Two veterns by her side,
They laughed at her,
She lost her pants but held the thermal,
On the Rookie's first ride.

So this is the tale of the rookie,
She's was there for a long, long time,
She'll have to make the best of things,
It's an uphill climb.

The Captain and the Driver too,
Will do their very best,
To make the others comfortable,
In spite of the rookie's zest.

It's loud, all lights, watch out cars,
Not a single luxury,
Like Robinson Crusoe,
As sweaty as can be.

So join us here each week my friends,
You're sure to get a smile,
Watch out for Ladder 33,
it'll be crazy for awhile!

De plane, de plane!

2007-05-13T19:25:00.000-07:00

You know I'm sleep deprived when I start quoting Tattoo. But bear with me because I JUST LANDED A LIFEFLIGHT HELICOPTOR!

I'll go back tomorrow and recap my first few runs - I've got some really good embarassing stories, believe me, but I'll tell about tonight first. It was a 2fer evening. The tone dropped around 8pm for a sulphiric acid smell. I was out the door and down the street before I knew what it was. Made it first to the station. The guys told me not to put on my gear until they checked if it was our call or not. It was-so we rolled with a crew of 4. We were disregarded about the time we reached the high school, so we were going to do a U-y. Just then a lifeflight call came in and we turned on the lights and sirens. We packed out and arrived first on the scene. I helped put out the LZ (landing zone) flashing lights and then pickeup debris while we waited for the chopper. I also tried, unsuccessfully, to keep people away. Chopper landed, patient was loaded, and all was well. But it was VERY hot and sticky and sweaty. My mask kept fogging up and I would have to breathe air to clear it.

Anyway - I learn SO much each call. I really think that a newbie should make every call they can, even the obviously dumb ones, because each one increases my knowledge base.

The Black Spot

2007-05-13T17:27:00.000-07:00

Tuesday night May 8th was the vote for admittance to the LCVFD. We sat through an excruciating business meeting (reminded me alot of church business meetings). Blah, blah, blah, vote already! Finally it was time for the last reading of our names and then we were escorted outside while the membership voted.

Outside we nervously chatted - all except the loner. Without recounting all the drama, out of our class of 9, one has to make up some skills and get voted in next month, seven of us (me included) were voted in, and one was not voted in. It was the first time in the history of our dept. that someone made it through the academy and was denied membership. Let's just say the seven new members concur with the decision of the department.

In better news, we got our pagers that night! Then we spent the next night and day trying to figure out if our pagers were broken because there were NO FIRE CALLS!!!

I about had a wreck on Wed. when the tone finally dropped! I couldn't go because it was in the middle of the day, but it was very exciting all the same.

Wednesday night was quiet, but Thursday my life changed.

It's over!

2007-05-05T17:57:00.000-07:00

Well, about 4:00 pm today, I completed volunteer fire academy. It's hard to believe it's really over. I mean, this time next week I could be at a house fire near you, riding on a BRD (Big Red Truck for you non-fire people)

I'm going to have to post about the whole academy experience tomorrow. Today I'll just write about today. Be patient with me - it's late (for me) and I've had a long day.

The long day started with a parade. Yesterday I was given the option of showing up for academy at 1:00 today and finishing skills testing, or 8:00 and walking in one of our towns many parades. A 89 year old B 52 bomber, who has been a volunteer firefighter here for 56 years was Grand Marshal so they wanted a lot of firefighter support. Everyone in my class except 2 chose to walk in the parade. It wasn't too bad - very humid and about a 3 mile walk. We walked behind "Old Granny", the oldest fire truck in the world. The 'let's stick it to the cadets' part came when we got to the park where the parade ended. Old Granny left us (the cadets and one of Art's granddaughters) to walk back to Station 1. Big fun! Not. Several fire trucks passed us by, waving and grinning. It wasn't too bad, but did drain our energy.

Then we had lunch at the local Mexican food restaurant that the Fire Department favors. The department bought, which was nice, but Mexican food after walking 6 miles and looking forward to an afternoon of skills tests was a little much.

After lunch we went back to the drill field for our tests. I was assigned search and rescue and partnered with someone I don't work that well with. However we nailed the search and rescue - we were the only team that found the 'victim'.

Next, salvage roll. Mine wasn't pretty, but it was functional - I passed.

Last was the one I have been having nightmares about. Extending a line. We had to clamp a charged 5 in, remove the nozzle, add a length of 1 1/2, add a fog nozzle and flow water. In 5 minutes. My paper says I did it in 4 min and 52 seconds, but I really think Instructor B fudged a little. I didn't get my hose in the center of the clamp, so it was really hard to close it off. In fact, I was able to flow water while it was still clamped! Then, I saw the clamp was still on, removed it and called out that I was done.

We had finished five of our skills on the previous Wed. They included donning our SCBA by 2 methods (1 min 30 sec), putting on our PPE, rolling a hose in a donut roll (2 min), raising a single wall ladder (3 min). I passed all of those on the first try.

I'm tired out and it's time for bed. But I am very close to being and active firefighter!!

Last live burn

2007-04-28T16:06:00.000-07:00

I'm not even going to try to think of cute, witty things for this post. That's the whole reason I haven't posted more about the whole fire thing. I keep waiting until the perfect words for the perfect post. Tonight I'm too tired to worry about it. I just want to get the whole thing down somewhere before I pass out!

Today was our last live burn. We started out at 8:00 am. I told Jim and the kids to come around 9:00. At nine we were still getting things ready, but just about ready to start. The channel 2 news camera was also there - great. not. But he was very low key and only asked me one question and interviewed Kenny. Several times I would look over and I could tell the camera was on me. great. not.

Anyway - We were divided up into 2 groups, one of 4 and one of 3. There were only 7 cadets today (Army guy was learning to kill people and Zach 2 just didn't show). I was with Ryan and John - good team.

We were on fire attack first - yea! Search and rescue is not my fave. We went in with Capt. Mr T. and he made the fire rollover and get pretty hot. We all took turns on the nozzle. All pretty routine. The crew of 4 missed a victim but did well otherwise.

Now our turn for search and rescue. We had to climb up Engine 33 onto the ariel ladder, climb the ladder to the top of the burn building, go into the bucket, down the wall ladder and onto the platform. THAT WAS VERY, VERY HARD. I couldn't bend my leg and get onto the first step to GET ON THE TRUCK! By the time I got to the second floor to actually start the search and rescue I was out of breath and panting.

Now it was time for searching. I was wall 'man'. We found two victims pretty quickly. Later we overheard the instuctors talking over our task and they were saying how well we did. YEA!

The other team had a bit of trouble. Evidently the fire got out of hand and Trish had problems with the nozzle. Those problems forced them out of the house VERY QUICKLY. Trish ended up crying. So after we cooled down and got some water, they reset the evolution. Which meant my team had to do search and rescue AGAIN. great. not.

To top it off, Ryan's pulse had not come down enough for him to go back in. That left John and I alone. great. not. However, we pulled it off. Despite begging we had to go up via the ariel again. I petitioned for the stairs on the way down. R. O. said if we did a good job.

As soon as we entered the building I heard a PASS device going off. That meant they had a live firefighter acting as victim. great. not. We had to pass up 2 other victims before we found the firefighter. John had to pull him out while I guided them out. We were able to take the stairs down!!

Then lunch. Not much to tell.

After lunch we had one big evolution. My team was told to sit in 33. The other team went in to do search and rescue. So far so good. But then we were told to exit the truck and take A CHARGED HOSE LINE UP THE OUTSIDE STAIRS! Not easy - esp. for John and Ryan (I had the nozzle which was slightly easier). After LOTS of hose pulling and wrangling we searched the 2nd floor for fire - which there wasn't any, which we already knew. Then we had to advance the hose line down the interior stairs - sliding down on our bottoms. Which was REALLY hard for John as 3rd guy. Once downstairs, we knocked down the fire - of course I was on nozzle. : ) We came out, unplugged our air and collasped. Then we were told to quickly plug back in and go put the fire out all the way. great. not.

But we managed to do it - Ryan on nozzle, me 3rd 'man'.

Then we cleaned up - and came home.
I am one tired little girl. All in all it was a good day.-

I'm too tire to write about

my 'sparkly' sun tan lotion
the look on everyone's face when they found out I was a children's pastor

We inturrupt the regularly scheduled firefighting news. . .

2007-03-29T07:35:00.000-07:00

We were headed out the door to grab breakfast and go to church for a meeting. I sent the kids out the front door as usual and I went through the garage. Screaming and bloody kids met me as I opened the garage door. "Something fell from the porch and cut Sam's hand!!" "AHHHHHHHH!"

I took her in the house and rinsed off her hand so I could see what we were dealing with. The tip of her left hand ring finger was dangling. It had been cut through about 95%, starting with the nail side. I wrapped it up in dish towels and got everyone into the car. Sam screamed the whole way to the doctor's office. I called our Dr. hoping to avoid the emergency room and they said to bring her on in. But when we got there, they took one look at it and sent us on to the ER. Great.

Of course having a screaming 6 yr old DOES get you triaged much faster than usual. They cleaned it, bandaged it lightly and sent us to X-Ray. The x-rays looked fine and we began THE WAIT. Remember that the kids have not eaten breakfast. And remember I NEVER carry cash, or even change. By 12:30 they were REALLY hungry, and we still had not seen a doctor.

I went out to the car and scrounged up $1.00, so they shared a bag of cheese crackers. The breakfast of champions. Jim arrived just after we had been called back to see the doctor, about 1:00.

They soaked her finger in lidocaine for about 20 min. The ER doc didn't think the x-rays were conclusive and sent us back for more. And sure enough, there was a sliver of bone sheared off and dangling with the tip.

She's screaming again by this time. There was a great nurse tech, David, who really helped out. They wrapped her up in a sheet like a burrito and gave her about 10 deadening shots around her nail bed and finger. It took 4 stitches to reattach the tip.

They bandaged her up nicely and told us to follow up with our doc in 3 - 5 days. By the time we left she had been given 2 teddy bears and 4 tubs of ice cream (Joel too). We stopped and picked up Jack in the Box on the way home, her choice.

Joel said it was like we were playing LIFE and we woke up on the square that says, 'Daughter injures finger, Pay $150 and lose next turn'. That is EXACTLY what it is like. You never know what any day holds. Good thing we can walk with God.

Hell House

2007-03-21T15:26:00.000-07:00

So, the city bought our lunch, subway type sandwiches and we were off again. We learned how to bust through a wall, fit through the studs using two different techniques. One swimming in backwards, one partially removing our SCBA and sliding through. Then we learned how to slide under a confined space by completely removing our air pack and donning it again on the other side. Then we learned how to fit through roof rafters with all our gear on. Not the most fun I've ever had, but not too painful.

Hell House came next. It basically is a maze set up to look like the interior of a house with lots of things to entrap you and make you crawl under. My explanations don't do it justice of course. Our masks were blacked out so we were basically blind. As I sat and waited my turn, I got a pep talk about how this would push us physically and mentally and not to panic that I was going home at the end of the day and that nothing would happen to me. Above all I was not to take my gloves off and not to take my mask off. Keep my left hand on the wall and good luck. They're was music blaring and the instructors were banging on the walls with baseball bats yelling at us not to die in their house and to get out of their house.

I've been up top to see what it really looks like so I can explain it a little, but remember, I'm crawling around blind in some hellish maze. Only once did I get off my belly, I basically crawled on my face for over 30 min.

You crawled through one of those smooth drain pipes to enter the building. Then up an incline to a seemingly dead end. But what was that? I felt a rope knot, like the kind for an attic pull down. Ok, I had climbed up and needed to come down, so I pulled on the knot. Nothing. An instructor's voice asks, "Why won't it open?" I answer, "Cause I'm sitting on it?" Of course.

I open it and lower my self down and crawl some more. I didn't know it, but I go under chicken wire and a tire, folding chairs, wooden truss like X's, stairs, under stairs(which really hurt my neck and head), have to push tires out of my way, get caught by bungee cords, and have to lift my self through and over rafters.

Several times I stopped and silently cried. I very nearly gave up. The instructors switched tactics with me. Instead of "Get out of my house!" they went to "Come on baby, you can do it! You want this, you have to give a little bit more.". I also felt several hands push me over the rafters.

I know this description does not due the day justice. It was emotionally, mentally, and physically draining. I can honestly say I am not the same person. Partly I am tougher. Partly I am weaker. I'm tougher because I went through it and did not quit. I learned that I am a fighter - which was the whole point of the exercise. I am weaker because I now have a certain fear knowledge which was unknown before. I can imagine terrifying situations with accuracy now.

Above all I know that my life and death are in Christ's hands. Each breath is a gift from Him, whether I'm breathing fresh Houston smog, or from my SCBA. He holds me in his hand.

Fragile - Handle with care

2007-03-18T14:33:00.000-07:00

That's a pretty adequate description of how I feel physically, mentally, and emotionally less than 24 hours after my last Fire Department training. I couldn't even talk about it when I first came home. I cried. Took a bath and cried some more.

We had an all day training, starting with a consumption drill. Basically we put all our gear on, put on a SCBA (our air pack) and went through and obstacle course to see how long a 45 minute bottle of air would last during physical exertion. The average time is around 20 minutes. This is to teach us how to get every last drop of air out of our tanks and still make it out of the fire alive.

The obstacle course went like this: 30 pike pole extensions (raising a heavy tool over head with arms extended), placing tennis balls on top of highway cones (hard to do when you've been oxygen deprived), using a sledge hammer to hit a tire across about 50 feet, crawling over simulated roof rafters, crawling through a slick drain pipe, carrying a heavy tool (hooligan bar) up a flight of stairs, another pike pole, climbing an extension ladder to the second story, using an axe to chop wood (15 strokes), dragging a 180 lb dummy a long way!, another tube.

The first time - yes I had to do this more than once- I did all the stations once, and then picked and chose. I did the balls A LOT. I still was pooped out and couldn't catch my breath. I really felt like I wanted to take my mask off and get one or two deep breaths. Of course I couldn't. I made my bottle last over 30 minutes.

The second time through, I determined to work harder. I did each station as I came to it. I only did the tire and the dummy once each though. My upper body was so far gone I just couldn't do it. I actually made my bottle last even longer. I was so tired and ready to quit that I bled off who knows how much air. Don't tell my instructors! I probably had10 more minutes of air, but I was physically incapable of continuing.

Then we had lunch and a short break and back to work. The afternoon deserves its own post.

Can I bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan?

2007-03-14T06:04:00.000-07:00

Last night all the fire academy cadets had to attend the monthly business meeting of the department. We have to attend three meetings, where our names are read and the whole department gets a chance to look us over. Even if we fly through academy, the membership could still vote us down, so we need to make a good impression.

I was the third or fourth name called. I stood up, told a little about myself. Someone from the back yelled, "Stay away from J.K.!" The room erupted with laughter, the underlying insinuation being that that guy would hit on me. Next cadet's name was called and when he stood up, J.K. called out, "Stay away from R.V.!" Even more laughter.

I will admit to a little happiness at being thought worthy to be hit on - the other female cadet didn't get any warnings- but it does help illustrate a point.

I'm new to this whole, be out in the world thing. I have lived a fairly sheltered life. I also am no feminist by any means, but there really is a difference (perceived or real) in expectations between men and women.

This is going to be hard to explain. Every one at the fire department has been super nice, no one has made any inappropriate comments to me. In fact, several male officers have been encouraging and supportive when I thought I wasn't cutting it. But there is another element in how everyone treats me that I don't think is true for the male cadets.

I feel like I have to succeed on two fronts. I have to be the best firefighter cadet I can be, better, in fact, than at least some of the males. It seems like that is the only way to earn respect among the other cadets. The other female cadet freely admits that something is too heavy for her, or she takes the less demanding part of a task. She doesn't have a lot of respect from the other guys concerning her ability to be a firefighter. I always try the hardest job (don't always succeed) and have a little respect in that area. For a girl at least.

But I also feel like a have to be attractive as a woman. Not for their respect really, but for their friendship. If I was overweight, or never wore makeup, or older, I don't think I would be treated as one of the guys, like I am. Or maybe I would but it would have taken more time to be accepted, I don't know.

I've probably said this all wrong. Bottom line I am treated differently because I am a woman in a male environment. I'm not saying that is good or bad. No one is consciously treating me differently, it is just the natural tension between the sexes, but I think it adds another level of pressure on me that the other male cadets do not have.

That said - I'm still LOVING IT!

They Don't Make Gear That Small

2007-02-13T17:29:00.000-08:00

I'll have to catch you up on the whole firefighter saga later. Promise. But I want to capture tonight before I forget.

One of the benefits to being tiny is that none of the department's old bunker gear they give recruits fits. They sent me home in some that was too big but the best they had. Tonight the regular members of the department were being sized for new gear, so the equipment officer had me show up also.

Imagine being measured in a room full of firefighters - all men. Most just stared as my bust, waist, hips, and crotch were measured, but a few couldn't resist ribbing the pumpkin head (that's what they call rookies, because of the orange helmet). "They don't make gear that small!" "How tall are you? How tall? 5'2''??? Maybe you'll keep growing. Stranger things have happened!"

Most of these were from guys I met Saturday at my station so they were all in fun, and I didn't mind a bit. In fact, I think it means they're starting to accept me - a little. I mean, for a pumpkin head I'm not so bad!

Of course, it's like being measured for your wedding dress - I can't gain, or grow, an inch!! New gear costs about $2000!! How's that for pressure!

a quick prayer

2007-01-30T10:00:00.000-08:00

Any minute now a news crew is going to drive up to my house to interview my family about firefighting. I'm prepared on the outside, house looks the best it has ever looked, and I'm looking pretty good (modest too). But I'm more concerned about the inside of me.

Father God, please quiet my heart. Please slow down my speech so and thoughts so I can communicate effectively. And let what I communicate be honoring to You. I don't know why you are placing this opportunity in my life, but may Your will be accomplished through it. May only words and thoughts and ideas that bring glory to You and further Your kingdom be part of today. Thank You for being the God of peace.

Amen

I'll let you know how it goes!!!

Wait, there's MORE

2007-01-11T13:24:00.000-08:00

This is probably the most classic example of why I am highly over-rated that I could ever hope to see. Evidently my firefighter interview went even better than I thought.

The recruiter called today to see if I would be willing to let a local news channel do a feature story on me. Anything from a one time interview to letting them follow me through the academy.

You know, when I first thought about doing this whole firefighter thing, I thought, it's kind of like my own personal Survivor moment. If I do this, cameras will be included!!

Any opinions? Pro or con?

At the least it would motivate Jim and I to get the carpets cleaned and the doors stripped and painted, so it wouldn't be all bad.

I'm still in shock really. I did not do anything outstanding at the interview. Basically I just didn't say anything stupid, like I have an authority problem and I like to start fires. I do take this seriously and didn't decide to join on a whim, so maybe that impressed them that I had taken the time to learn about firefighting and this department.

I have a day to think about it.

I AM HIGHLY OVER-RATED!

The Rest of the Story

2007-01-11T13:05:00.000-08:00

Well, Saturday went great!

I was terrified walking up to Fire Station #1. But once I was there and met the group, I felt OK. Then the interview!! Four active firefighters interviewed me. (2 guys and 2 girls) I was prepared for the questions, and even managed to work in my 40 lb weight vest. : )

After the interview there was time to take a tour of the truck. They even suited me up. I was so relieved that I didn't tump over. That weight vest really paid off!!

I left knowing that had made it to the Academy!!!

Firefighting Momma

2007-01-06T08:54:00.000-08:00

Some of you may not know that I hope to join the ranks of our city's volunteer firefighters. I'll wait while the laughing dies down.

No, I have not been stealing Sam's growth medicine. I am still 5'2" and wear a size S. BUT, for some reason I have been consumed with joining the fire department!! I think it's a midlife crisis and if it is, there could be worse ways of handling it, right?

Rewind to Nov. 2006. Right downtown there was a persistent sign requesting new recruits for the fire department. I kept thinking it would be funny if I applied. After awhile it didn't sound so funny. I mean, I had been running for about a year, and was getting better all the time. In fact, I was in the best shape of my life. I could do this I began to tell myself.

Then I had to tell someone else. Jim. He didn't laugh, not much, and said he would support me in whatever I wanted to do. So far, so good. Then I causally mentioned it to my parents. Instead of the expected, "I don't care if you are 34 years old, your dad says NO", I got, "Well, it's hard work but you might really like it." I'm still in shock about that.

So over the next two months I added weight training to my workout routine, bought a 40lb weighted vest, and started chewing those nasty protein bars.

Fast forward to today.
I have an interview with the department this afternoon and if all goes well, the academy starts Feb. 8th!!!!!

I'm scared to death about the interview - wish me luck!

Samantha's prayer

2006-12-28T19:05:00.001-08:00

Bedtimes have been really hard for Samantha lately. She stalls, whines, pushes my guilt buttons and physically holds on to me. She says she has lots of questions that she only thinks of at night.

I've gotten out of the habit of praying with the kids each night. But for the last two nights I have prayed with Sam.

Here is her prayer from tonight.

Dear God,
thank you for my daddy, and mother, and brother. I'm lucky that I got into this family and didn't have to spend the all of my life with my other mother and (long pause) other dad. And thank you for Lexie, Jael, and Yoko. And for a great Christmas.
Amen.

Wow. I guess she thinks more about being adopted than I realized.

How do you measure a life?

2006-11-01T13:33:00.000-08:00

I want to share a precious life with you. Take time to read his whole story and let it teach you. It has touched me in a way I won't soon forget. Read about Eliot Mooney. Then think on the character of God.

My Brother Sparky

2006-10-30T17:39:00.000-08:00

Both kids sang last night at church. Although Sister was nervous about singing in front of "thousands" of people, she did fine. She just stood up straight and sang. Really. Maybe it helped that our regular Sunday night crowd of about 30 showed up instead of 1,000. When someone sends us a pic, I'll post it.

J.J.'s choir did a musical, Race to Win. It's pretty cute and stars Darrell Waltrip, via DVD. J.J. stole the show with his mechanic twang and funny lines. His totally on pitch solo at the end didn't hurt either.

At one point Sister's friend on the pew in front of us leaned back and asked her what her brother's name was. Without missing a beat, Sister answered, "Sparky".

2006-10-28T19:11:00.000-07:00

Something must be getting through

We have two young guests tonight, each the same age as J.J. and Sister. After 3 hours of baby dolls, Polly Pockets, and nonstop GameCube, I finally have them settled in J.J.'s room. I told them they had an hour of quiet talking (I know, I know) and then total silence. Know what they're doing? Listening to J.J. read aloud!

At first I thought that seemed a little odd, because our visitors do not strike me as the bedtime story type. They visited a year and a half ago, when I suggested the reading ritual. I didn't bother tonight, thinking our guest feel they were a little old for this. Not that I would agree, but if you aren't used to it at home it might be a little akward at someone else's house. But of their own free will, the girls picked books and J.J. agreed.

This gives me hope that the learning, reading life I'm trying to instill, might be catching on after all!!!

2006-10-28T13:10:00.000-07:00

Well, I did it. I told my husband about my secret blog. He's trying to act hurt and upset, but I can see that twinkle in his eye. I think he's relieved he doesn't have to baby me any more. He did make fun of my color scheme, or lack thereof.

But I LOVE my sleek look. Once I get the whole image thing figured out it'll have more visual appeal. But my other site was too stark, it made me feel confined. I may be the only one who does this, but when I'm working on a document in Word, I have to have the font match the subject. If I feel the font is not just right, I can't do good work. I wonder if they have medicine for that.

2006-10-27T11:24:00.000-07:00

I feel a little guilty about this new blog. Like I've been caught eating the kids' Halloween chocolate candy. You see, this is my second blog. My husband, who is an IT guy, set me up my very own blog with my very own domain name. Problem is, I don't know how to do anything on it except post, and he gets a little frustrated trying to explain every nuiance of technology to me after he has put in a full day of doing that already. So I'm going to use this blog to experiment and find my own blogging style - all while staying happily married!